whistle me wayward

by Francis Michael Buck

Published May 16, 2010

In poetry

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dry out my mouth with sand and grit
the trees
the ground
the sky
god is aching for my return
the small aspects of our life
the tiny grooves of our love
shifting their weight
god is not here to hold us down
so dry out my mouth
feel the wind in my hair
yes, god may be inside me
but I am inside you
releasing

so whistle me wayward
remember the moment
my blood, my come
the trees
the ground
the sky
god is aching for my return
and the sun's grin melts swiftly
from the womb to the tomb
the sun's grin melts swiftly
and whistles me wayward

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Kale
Review
Kale wrote a review Review · May 17, 2010

my blood, my come

Wrong "come".

This was very disjointed, and it took me a second read through to realize what you were writing about. It's not a bad thing at all, and the disjointedness certainly provided an interesting take on the subject. I also like how you tied the whole poem together with repetition; it keeps the disjointedness of the poem balanced. Still, though I did enjoy the disjointedness, as evinced by the comment above, I think the beginning, at least, could use a smoother lead into the rest of the poem. Some more punctuation might be a good idea.

User avatar
ziggiefred
Review
ziggiefred wrote a review Review · May 17, 2010

Hey
Um, sorry, but I am kind of lost here. The first line says something else and then we are at trees? :? I really do not understand what is going on in the poem. Could you please try to explain to me what is going on, just a brief explanation because I would really like to review it properly. :)



Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.
— C. Northcote Parkinson